My life, a Gift of Lessons.
Why I Quit Drinking.
It is not your typical rock bottom story, but don’t get me wrong, it was close. This is a story of why I quit and why I am committed.
My last drink was May 3, 2024. I’ll never forget the night. My ex and I were out gently celebrating his birthday. Had a few drinks and came home to our faded blue 1995 29' RV, parked in a gravel lot in Valdez, Alaska. Not glamorous, but I was excited to call it our home.
A secret was revealed to me that night, one that was profoundly heart rendering. The man who I trusted with all of my love was exchanging explicit messages with another female. This was unexpected and devastating. I will never forget in moment of discovery I was keenly aware of my own heart. It felt as if every heartbeat was a violent attempt to rupture from my chest. It was the feeling of heartbreak.
After the initial shock, I buried my heart deep inside my chest and sprang into survival mode. Slightly panicked, I was conceiving ways to escape. How could I leave? I had spent all of my savings to buy us this home, not to mention thousands of miles from anyone who can help. I remember professing to him in a fit of passion “I gave you everything and now I have nothing! Now, I am trapped here with a man I can’t trust!”
After that long gruesome night I convinced myself that this was my time to reset. So I did. I let go of anything that would cloud my judgement, weed, alcohol and men. I needed to be 100% for myself to recover from this heartbreak. A painfully long month passed and I had finally mustered the courage and money to leave him behind.
Since then, I have discovered the peace that I was so desperately searching for. I let go of the things that held me back. I realized that my alcohol habits dictated so much of my life: A reason to celebrate, a reason to mourn. A social gathering, or a quiet night alone. I felt as if alcohol was like my bad relationship, constantly robbing my peace. After letting go, I finally feel truly free.
My mental, physical and spiritual health has been better than I could have ever known. I realize now that being alcohol free has liberated me from a social norm that was poisoning my soul. Someone once said to me that I am just“raw-doggin” life and I feel that so deeply. Life is raw and unfiltered for me, and that is exactly how I want to honor my existence.
